In my coaching sessions I often find that women truly don’t understand what it is that attracts men. They either simplify it far too much, or they feel like there is something super complex or mystical about the whole process – like perhaps there is some important puzzle piece that they seem to be missing when it comes to attracting and keeping the man that they want. They wonder why they keep attracting slimy guys who just want to have sex, or men who are uninterested in a relationship, when what they are truly looking for is a man who is strong, willing to be fully present and who is ready to give his true depth.
What I’m not going to do in this article is give you a list of things you can do, (i.e.: 10 things you can do to be more attractive to men!), because it isn’t even that complex.
What it simply comes down to is your state of being, and how open you are.
Here’s the deal.
At the core of relationships is the masculine and the feminine. To understand how and why attraction works between two people it’s necessary to understand the underlying dynamic between these core aspects of who we are. I’ve talked about it in a previous article here, but I’ll do a quick recap:
When I discuss the masculine and feminine in my coaching, I’m typically never talking about gender, I’m talking about energy. We all have both of these energies winding around within us, but each one of us leans more in one way or the other from birth, and these are the energies that drive us in our lives and in our relationships. The masculine and feminine energies at play are like the poles of a magnet and they’re ultimately what cause two people to be attracted to one another – and the distance between them is what creates chemistry or passion. In other words, the further apart these poles are within two respective people, the greater the attraction will be.
For simplicity’s sake, I typically will refer to men as masculine and women as feminine, though this is not always the case.
Now to cut to the chase.
We’re ALL looking for sex. Dating is just simply our way of putting rules and boundaries around that in order to make ourselves comfortable with that type of energetic exchange with one another. As we’ve all no doubt discovered, there are dysfunctional approaches to that and there are healthy approaches to that.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that sex is ALL we are looking for in a life partner, but biologically, it’s the impetus of our initial attraction to one another, a definite aspect of whether we decide to stay with someone, and it’s very much an ongoing, integral part of a relationship throughout the life of the relationship. But when it come to the initial jolt of bringing two people together, it’s the major driving force.
The problem is that most of us have it completely wrong when it comes to truly understanding what it is that creates that initial attraction with one another. We think, or we’ve been taught, that it has to do with how we look or how we act, when at core, this isn’t really it at all. Sure, those things make a difference if they are an expression of your truth, but all of those elements come down to the same thing in the end.
They are simply forms of energy.
Men, wherever they are, (walking into a club or coffee shop to even shopping in the grocery store), are constantly scanning and feeling the energy of the women around them and are either being repulsed by it, or are wanting to dive into it.
The masculine can pick out the most radiant woman in the room within 3 seconds of scanning. And contrary to what the tabloids and magazines will try to tell you, that radiance isn’t limited to just one type of person or physical body type. That radiance that each man is scanning for is something that is unique to every single feminine being that there is in the world. As a fingerprint of your soul, it has a specific “flavour” based on who you are. It has a specific flavour based on how you are feeling in that moment. And it has a specific flavour whose intensity is directly related to how open you are being in that moment. So when men are scanning for that radiance, the radiance that attracts them is specific to them. As a cheezy, sparkly novel once put it, it’s like “their own brand of heroin”.
So what does that mean for you?
As I stated above and in previous articles, Men inherently don’t want a relationship because freedom is what drives them. The reason they are attracted to women relationally, at all, is because of the challenge that women present. But what initially attracts them to a woman and makes them want to dive into her, is her radiance.
So how do you attract the man you are looking for?
If you want to know how to attract your knight in glittering armor, no matter where you are, there’s basically one simple thing you must remember.
Be “shiny” and open through your depth
That’s it. That’s all. There’s nothing more to it.
What does that mean?
The basic problem between men and women is that we simply do not live in the same world together. Women live in a world where they are aware of an incredible sphere of energy and activity. Men do not live in this world. For example, the colour of shoes you pick to wear in the morning can affect your entire day. The type of underwear you are wearing can make you feel incredible, or frumpy, and this is something that nobody may ever see. Everything that you wear and do is a reflection of your emotional and energetic state.
Men simply do not live in that world. For us, shoes are a way to keep our feet from hurting, and underwear is utility. We simply don’t feel what you feel, and we never will.
But what we do notice, is how those things are making you feel as you radiate that feeling. And the intensity to which you radiate is directly related to your openness.
The depth of that feeling and how authentically it is flowing through your unique expression of femininity, and most importantly, your openness with it, is what initially attracts a man to you. That is the radiance or “shininess” that men are scanning for.
For many women, they’ve learned to dampen their radiance because they’ve discovered that it can attract too much attention, or worse yet, attract slimy guys. So as a result, they move through their day in a closed down state, focused on their tasks at hand or simply not permitting themselves to shine as they don’t want to be harassed or ogled. Either that, or they’ve learned from high school and over time that the most radiant woman is typically vilified by other women out of jealousy or envy and so they don’t want to be judged by other women.
But this shut down state is exactly what is keeping the man you are looking for from noticing you and approaching you.
As a result of this, feminine beings will reserve only specific portions of their life to being open and allowing this attraction to take place, and being closed the rest of the time. For example, when they are shopping for groceries or at work they will be shut down, but then on the weekend they will dress up and go looking for a potential mate.
This may work for some people. But the problem that it presents is that it creates an air of inauthenticity around your offering because it is like a “costume” you are putting on to play a role, and as such, it will attract inauthentic people. (i.e.: slimy guys and weak men.) In other words, gamers.
You can meet Mr. Right anywhere.
Just remember, that “Mr. Right” could be anywhere. He may be the guy walking past you in the grocery store as you are perusing exotic brands of ketchup, or he could be behind you in the lineup at the local coffee joint. You simply never know. But if you are shut down and you are dampening your radiance, then the simple fact of the matter is that he will never notice you, and as a result, he will never approach you. He’s always scanning for the most radiant thing in his world, constantly. And if you’re not it, then it’s someone else or something else that will catch his attention. Guaranteed.
The bottom line?
The bottom line is that men really are that simple.
Yes, we are basically the moth, looking for something shiny and flying towards the bug zapper, hoping to get blasted into smithereens by your radiance and energy. It’s what we want. We are scanning for that specific form of feminine radiance that attracts us, and when we see it, we will fly towards it and we will dive into it – and we want to be blasted apart by it.
So, if you want to attract the man you are looking for, radiate your personal brand of light openly, authentically and honestly, and as much as you can in every moment. And always allow yourself to be open to it. Surrender to yourself and how you feel in every moment, and don’t be afraid to let everyone see you and feel you. Smile! Wear the clothes that make you feel amazing and let the world know you feel amazing. If you feel happiness, radiate happiness. If you feel sadness, radiate sadness. If you feel anger, radiate anger. Always radiate and be open with who you are and how you feel in every moment.
I guarantee you that if you do that, no matter where you are, you will attract the man you are looking for, and you will attract the man who is strong enough to handle your intensity when the relationship moves past the initial honeymoon and attraction phase.
So get out there and glow!
