One of the most common complaints that I get when coaching single, dating women is that they keep finding men who are unwilling to open themselves to something deeper. Typically, the story goes something like this:
“We went on a few dates and things were going great! There seemed to be some kind of connection and I really thought that this guy was a great guy. Then I decided to have sex with him, and we got together and did it and then saw each other a few more times and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he gives me the ‘I don’t want a relationship’ conversation, and tells me that he’s only looking for something ‘casual’… But I’m not looking for a ‘friend with benefits’, I’m looking for a real relationship with a guy who’s willing to go deeper with me. Why do I keep getting damned FWB offers?”
Is this you? Do you keep encountering men who, when things seem to be going great, turn around to tell you that they’re only looking for something casual?
If so, you’re not alone.
Most women at this point will look at themselves and wonder what it is about them that is causing men to crumble or back off in this way. And one of the most common thoughts that they have is that they may have come on “too strong” and that perhaps they should have held themselves back.
Don’t let the weakness you find in the masculine cause you to limit the full, unique expression of who you are, because the fullness of that expression is what will draw the right man past his own fears and want to explore you further. When you encounter a man that is unwilling to move past those fears and dive into you relationally, yet still wants to maintain a “casual” relationship with you, what that’s showing you is that you are holding back too much.
Sound backwards? Let me explain.
The masculine is always seeking freedom, and as men are typically masculine beings at heart, this is typically why they don’t want to commit. But as we all know, what men will always commit to is a challenge. Men are driven by challenge, and strong masculine beings simply cannot resist it. The bigger the challenge, the greater the draw. The reason for this is that once a masculine being meets a challenge and pushes through into the other side, they experience the bliss of freedom – and that’s a hugely emotional thing for the masculine.
As an example of that, just observe a group of men watching organized sports and see how emotional and wound up they get. All sports involve overcoming some sort of challenge that seems to be insurmountable. Getting a ball further down a field to make a “touchdown” while a group of very large men line up like a wall in order to stop it from happening. Skating around on ice while using a curved stick to hit a little rubber disc into a small net while a group of other men try to stop that disc from getting anywhere near that net. Bouncing a ball down a court to toss it into a little hoop that is 10 feet off the ground – all while another group of men is trying to stop it from happening.
Every organized sport involves some sort of challenge that seems insurmountable – and when that challenge is met and pushed through into freedom, many masculine people get VERY emotional when it happens. Some get even more emotional and excited about it than they do about their own child being born.
When it comes to relationships, the same holds true. The masculine tends to avoid relationships as they are perceived as a reduction in freedom. So what will get him over his fears?
You got it. Challenge.
What will attract a strong man into your life, and to choose to stay in your life relationally, is the full expression of your feminine. Weak masculine will crumble and run in the face of your intensity, (which is ideally what you want), but strong masculine will be drawn into the challenge that you present by simply being fully yourself and not holding back your expression in every moment, no matter what that happens to be – and if you do that before sex ever happens, then you’ll scare off and weed out the weaklings long before going down that path.
So how can you do that?
Feminine intuition and authenticity.
Follow your intuition and always be feminine and 100% authentic with who you are and how you feel in the moment. Don’t hold back out of fear that you will scare him off or be judged because if he’s scared off that easily or judges you, then you don’t want him anyway.
While being authentic to yourself, your intuition will always guide you unfailingly to attracting and keeping the man that you want in your life: A man who is willing to face the challenge of your intensity without crumbling or running away, and who will choose you because of who you are, and not because of some “proper girl” act you are putting on to protect yourself from hurt or a fear that he’s the last man on earth who may date you.
By always being fully feminine and expressively yourself and following your internal guidance from first contact through the first date onwards, you will become the challenge that will continually draw him out of himself and help him to overcome his resistance to relationships.