Question:
“I have met this woman in a college class. We have spoken only once or twice but I can’t stop thinking about her. Would it be appropriate to contact her through her school email? Should I send her my phone number so that if she is interested she can contact me? Please advise me how to proceed. I have been out of the dating scene for many years.”
Answer:
Ultimately, what attracts a woman to a man is his strength. In different stages of our lives, that masculine strength may manifest itself in different ways, such as physical strength, mental strength, spiritual strength and even fatherly strength. Conversely, in various stages of their lives, women are attracted to these different forms of masculine strength based on where they are in their own growth. So, obviously, what it comes down to in the end is that you need to be in your STRENGTH to attract her.
If you are attracted to this woman, you need to display your strength, presence and direction with her, or she will not be attracted to you and all of your efforts will most likely just end up with you in the friend zone.
Let’s be blunt. The only reason that you would want to contact her through email and send her your phone number is because you are afraid of her rejection, and allowing your fear to drive your actions is weakness, not strength. And because you are sitting in your weakness, you are essentially wanting her to take on the masculine role and pursue you and contact you, instead of standing strong in who you are and pursuing her and saying clearly through your actions and words, “I desire you”. A woman wants to FEEL that desire from you and she wants to be able to relax into her feminine and let go. It’s her greatest bliss and ultimately why she is looking for a partner in the first place. But she NEEDS to feel the strength of her masculine partner in order to be able to trust him enough to do so.
So if you are coming out of the gate in a super weak way, like you are describing, and are essentially asking her to be masculine for you, then you don’t have a hope in hell.
You have to look at it this way. You have already spoken to her a couple of times, and no matter which way you approach her there is a possibility you may be rejected. So why not take the strong and confident approach and after class just catch up to her and ask her out for coffee? Or if she is with a group of friends, gently take her by the elbow and pull her away from them for a minute and ask her out? Why not make it clearly and plainly obvious that you desire her in that way in a strong way?
But before you do any of that, or anything at all, ask yourself, “What do I have to offer her?”, and even more importantly, ask yourself, “WHO DO I NEED TO BE in order to open her up and free her?” and then act from that place within yourself.
If you don’t believe within yourself that you have anything to offer this woman, and you come at her from a “safe” place while sitting in your weakness, then she will feel that from you and respond accordingly. And I can tell you that it won’t be in the way you want.
